Me, in a nutshell:
My name is Rachel, but please, call me Becca. I'm a 24-year-old perpetual kid who lives part-time in Indiana and part-time in Arizona, muddling my way through life while trying to convince people I know what I'm doing.
I only ever wear toe socks. I dissect my food and eat the best part last. I love chocolate way too much for my health. I am a total Harry Potter nerd. Actually, I’m just kind of an all-around nerd. I adore making people laugh. I adore the word ‘whimsical’. And the word ‘adore’. I don’t let anything or anyone hold me back. I believe in reincarnation. The first man to sincerely sing “I Would Walk 500 Miles” by The Proclaimers to me (including a cheesy attempt at the accent) will forever and ever own my heart. I don’t care if I am not what they ‘represent’, rainbows will always make me happy and I will unapologetically continue to use them as a personal symbol. I think I’m beautiful and that it’s not conceited for anybody to think that about themselves. I spend a lot of time feeling like I’m just a shade different than everybody else, and sometimes it’s lonely. Most of the time it’s inspiring. Also inspiring: children, showers, long car trips. I’m silly and I don’t care if you think I’m too old to be. I firmly believe a person is not old until they are 97 and not a day sooner. I believe in magic. I believe that singing and writing are good for the soul.
Quotes that Describe my Life:
“She was twelve years old when she told Eddie Willers that she would run the railroad when they grew up. She was fifteen when it occurred to her for the first time that women did not run railroads and that people might object. To hell with that, she thought – and never worried about it again.”
-Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
“When the world says, ‘Give up’, Hope whispers, ‘One more try’.”
-Unknown
“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul.”
-C.S. Lewis
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Thursday, Jan. 26, 2012 at 10:20 p.m.
Wow. Hello, oh diary of mine. It's been way too long. Almost a month.
First of all, I want to thank athenyx and melodymetuka and julymalaise times a million for the kind messages that were left in my notes. Every time I feel sad or alone, I come here to Diaryland and can see that there are people who care about me. That's a great feeling. <3
Life has been...well, life. Sometimes I wonder if there's really a point in chronicling all of my feelings, every second that I feel them. I mean, really, in the bigger scheme of things, does it matter?
I don't think the things I have to say are unimportant. They are clearly important, at the very least, important to me. But do I think they're important in big, world-changing ways? Nah. And that's okay. I'm not here to change the world.
But then I look back, and that's all I'm doing. I'm looking back. And what if I spend so much time looking back that I forget about the now?
You know I read somewhere once that every time you remember something, your brain misremembers or alters one more little piece of information about that event. So the more you think about something, the farther from the truth your memory actually becomes.
Is that all I'm doing here? Creating ways to mess up my memories? Or, because they're written, do I have more of a chance of remembering them accurately?
I'm in a weird place right now.
I'm happy, so so happy, because it's that time of year at our radio station where we do our on-air auction. I wish so desperately that I could go into more details, but I really don't want to risk being found more than I already am.
I love this time of the year. I love everything about it. I love my job.
I also love my apartment. I still think I have way too much stuff, but I love it. I love the people that I do know here, and I am starting to get to know more of them.
Part of me still aches for adventure, but at the same time, I have started to settle into a routine here, and I got so tired of fighting it.
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I really hate true crime shows. I mean, can't stand watching them. It's like watching the news.
Look. I know that awful things happen in the world. I know that there are awful people out there. And it's not that I wish to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich and pretend they don't happen, but I just don't understand the fascination with them.
I like people in general. I would like to keep liking people in general. And you know what? Maybe someday my inherent trust for the human race will get me into bigger trouble than I can get out of. I accept that possibility for myself, but in the mean time, I refuse to live looking at every person like they want to do terrible things to me.
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This is totally a mid-thought change of subject, but did you know that you could get the contents of your diary printed out into book form? It's a bit pricy, but...wow. What an interesting thought.
Okay, diary. This entry is obviously going absolutely nowhere because I keep getting thrown off my own thoughts. Sorry about that.
Thanks for listening,
xoxo
Becca
Copyright 2002-2012 Rachel S.
No part of the writing in this diary can be used without explicit permission from the author. I (the author) do not authenticate that the contents of this diary are factual or accurate, rendering it inadmissible in a court of law as hearsay, and therefore it may not be used against me or any other person(s) in any legal sense. I am not a lawyer.